


Before Your Eyes

by RowanJay78



Series: whumptober 2020 - rowanjay78 [1]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Death, Flashbacks, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, Recovered Memories, Spoilers, i wrote this with my cat, life flashing before your eyes type stuff, no beta we die like sayaka maizono
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:48:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27642338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RowanJay78/pseuds/RowanJay78
Summary: (Spoilers for the first game!!)Sayaka thinks that she's finally figured out what "your life flashing before your eyes" really means, and she wonders why she ever let these memories go.Prompt 1 of Whumptober: Stabbed
Relationships: Ikusaba Mukuro & Maizono Sayaka, Kirigiri Kyoko & Maizono Sayaka, Kuwata Leon & Maizono Sayaka, Maizono Sayaka & Naegi Makoto
Series: whumptober 2020 - rowanjay78 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2021135
Comments: 1
Kudos: 12
Collections: Whumptober 2020





	Before Your Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> yeah yeah ik its late november and whumptober is meant to be during october but i never do these things on time  
> hopefully i finish all the prompts before next october but like. no promises  
> hope you like this!

The door to the dorm closed with a hurried click, and then the room was filled with silence.

Silence, for anyone else, may have been comforting, but in this case, she felt even more alone. The cold tiles of the flooring prickled her skin, leaving goosebumps and shivers on already tarnished skin, and Sayaka couldn’t help but wonder if there was a  _ point _ to the last few minutes of life she was holding onto. 

The answer to this, of course, was no. 

If she had wanted to lie unmoving on the ground, surrounded by the clean, crisp smell of the bathroom, then she would have sat herself down in her own dorm room, and if she wanted a knife stuck through her middle, she could have taken care of that too. But there was no control in this situation. No small, thin string of optimism she could hold onto at the end of the line; assuming there was an end of the line, of course. She never had been one for religion. She found the need for an afterlife utterly depressing and disappointing, and yet here she was, wishing for it all the same.

However, she couldn’t deny that it was her fault. She put herself in this situation, and she left herself helpless to get out of it. She was the one who initiated the fight, who misjudged her opponent, and it was her foolishness that had led her to this moment. Frankly, she wasn’t surprised.

And that was when it happened.

In books and movies, they always talked about their life flashing before their eyes. Memories of what they used to be, everything that they’d worked for in the years that went by, and it would all be taken away from them in a snap. She never believed it, and yet here she was, uncovering confusing memories she didn’t remember having before, and the guilt washed over with it.

~<+=+>~

_ “Sayaka! Your concert was amazing today. Did you see the crowd out there?” _

_ She recognised the voice immediately. Stood behind her, with a beaming smile, was her biggest fan. He was still short, he never grew, and his hair was messy and tousled. Whether it was from the havoc of the concert, or if he never seemed to be able to get it to sit in the first place, she wasn’t sure. The latter did seem more believable. _

_ “Thanks, Makoto! But you really need to stop giving me all the credit,” She giggled, an innocent smile on her face, “You know perfectly well my bandmates worked just as hard.” _

_ “Well, yeah…” There it was again. The awkward, shy smile she recognised so dearly. He scratched his cheek, looking to the side with embarrassment? Or really, he just looked smitten. He left his emotions on his sleeve, but Sayaka still found it puzzling to figure him out sometimes. _

_ Laughing again, she shrugged it off, her signature smile on display. “Is Mukuro still with you?” Humming slightly, she cleaned up her hair a little. No amount of hairspray could save her hair from jumping around on stage. _

_ But Mukuro was a name she couldn’t put to a face. It felt familiar, like she could reach out and touch the memories, but holding them, and viewing them, felt so much farther. _

_ “Actually, someone spilled their drink on them. They’re cleaning up, I think…” Her close, more recognisable friend smiled, almost seeming a little guilty. It felt like there was more to the story, but she didn’t push too far into it. _

_ “Are they okay?” _

_ “Yeah, they’re fine, promise!” He nodded, almost seeming a little panicked. “Mukuro didn’t want to cause a scene, especially since it was a special day for you, so nothing happened after that.” _

_ She couldn’t stop herself from laughing again. “I meant Mukuro, you dork.” _

_ “Ohh, right.” He laughed with her, albeit awkwardly. “Yeah, they’re fine.” _

_ That was when the person in question made their way into the dressing room. A drink stained shirt, almost like they were bleeding, worn by someone with dark hair, and freckles. Lots, and lots, of freckles. Almost like a constellation, she remarked in her head, like a galaxy of planets and stars, framing icy blue eyes with a strict, although weakened, determination. _

_ Something about the drink stains seemed so familiar now, in a way that they didn’t before. _

~<+=+>~

As she withdrew a gasp, she brought herself back to the present, a certain, familiar face burned into the back of her mind. If she’d had the time, maybe she would have thought about it a little more, maybe she would have told the group about her strange memory, but as she realised from the burning pain bleeding out from her front, it was a little late for that.

It was a little late for anything, really.

As if to accompany this “revelation”, she felt herself drifting back into her memories. 

~<+=+>~

_ It wasn’t loud, in fact, it was the opposite. Dead silent, except for the blaring from the TV. Evening TV shows played over on channels she wasn’t sure if she was allowed to watch, but there was no one around to care, and living life dangerously was the trend she had been following so far. _

_ Her father had come home just a little beforehand, stumbling through the door. Drunk, she had assumed, and it was confirmed when she heard the crash of him collapsing onto his bed. She didn’t want to attend to him today. Her eyes were focused on the TV, waiting, peering through the screen for the place she could call home. _

_ The music shifted to something brighter, something more pop. If bubble mixture sounded like something, she might describe it as this, and it played an optimistic chord in her heart. It was finally time. _

_ The smiling faces of girls she recognised far too well filled the screen, their eyes alight with passion, and Sayaka curled her knees up to her chest, her face mimicking the same expressions they displayed. These were her idols, and she was so sure that she would be like them someday. _

_ Someday felt like forever, but she was getting there. Everyday she worked harder and harder, singing melodies until she had perfected them, following any dance routines she could find, and most importantly, practicing her smile in the mirror. She’d talk to people at school to get a head start at charisma. What did people like to hear, to see, in someone like her?  _

_ It kept going, she kept working, and every Friday night she’d sit down and block out anything else. This was where she was happy, with her idols on the screen. Nothing else mattered. _

_ She was going to become an idol, just like them. She knew it, and she promised it to herself, and she was damn sure that- _

~<=+=>~

She was so stupid to think that happiness could last forever.

Normally, she liked to think back on how hard she worked. How much effort, and time, she put into working towards her goal. It filled her with pride, it filled her with a desire to keep going, but most of all, it trumped anything that the world had to offer her.

Now, it’s all gone to shit. What was the point? She’d worked so hard, and for what? It doesn’t take a genius to realise that if she’d let go of her dreams, she’d never be here. She wouldn’t be sitting on this bathroom floor. She wouldn’t have been thrown into a  _ killing game _ of all things, wouldn’t have had to keep up with everyone’s expectations all those years, wouldn’t have had to…  _ do  _ things. Things she would, and does, regret.

It was a momentary rage (or panic, she couldn’t tell, and in the moment she didn’t care enough to try and figure it out), but it was enough to bring everything crashing down. She knew what she needed to do. She knew what came next. It wouldn’t have been fair - no, it would have been foolish - to let herself die like this. In vain, only for the gain of someone she couldn’t care less about. Someone she knew for less than a week, the real reason why she was sitting here feeling sorry for herself like a useless, pathetic little girl.

Slowly, she brought her shaky hands up to the knife, and swiped her finger across the wound.

The small flash of pain that came with it was exactly as it came on the tin: painful, but small. It was nothing compared to the pain she had been dealing with from the wound in the first place, and she moved past it with no trouble at all.

Moving her hand behind her back, she wrote it in block capitals.

LEON.

Her handwriting was usually very good, but she doubted that it would be perfect from the angle she was sitting at, but she stayed patient. Makoto was a smart boy, he’d figure it out, he could do something with this, she was certain. 

But her thoughts were disrupted yet again, as the new memories came back to light.

~<+=+>~

_ “Jesus Christ!”  _

_ The ball came flying towards her, and she ducked on impulse, watching it narrowly soar over her head. That was a close one. _

_ “Leon!” She whined slightly, before shaking her head and regaining her composure. Some of her hairs were sticking up from the close contact with the ball, and she smoothed them down with a couple of pats. She was  _ so  _ going to kill him for this. _

_ “Shit!” She heard coming from the other side of the field. “You okay, Maizie?” As soon as she looked up, a red headed boy was already standing in front of her. Looking back on this, she felt a twinge of fear, maybe anger, but her memory-self stood tall, albeit with a pout on her face. _

_ “No, I’m not okay at all.” The smile twitching on her lips completely gave her away, and his look of concern changed to one of exasperation. _

_ “Don’t be stupid, Maizie.” _

_ “Sorry.” She laughed, as Leon ruffled her hair. _

_ Something about this memory was warm, and it didn’t make any sense to her. She shouldn’t be feeling so loved, so content, in the presence of someone she had tried to kill just moments before. Nothing about this felt right, but it didn’t feel wrong, either. _

_ She carried on talking, reaching into her handbag and going through sheets of paper. “Ibuki wanted me to give you this, actually…” Finding her target, she pulled out a little flyer. “She’s playing a gig this weekend. It’s gonna be awesome, she’s got a whole setlist lined up and everything.” _

_ Taking the flyer from her hands, he looked it over, but it seemed like something was on his mind. _

_ “If you want to join her for a couple songs, you should ask.” She added, reading him like a book. Her intuition had always been one of her strong suits. _

_ “What-” His face scrunched up, a reaction that seemed very familiar. “What the hell! Stop reading my mind, Maizie!” _

_ “I can’t help being psychic.” A giggle seemed to bubble past her lips. _

_ “Bullshit! I bet you can.” _

_ “That’s really not how being psychic works, Leon.” She laughed this time, pushing some hair out of her eyes. “Although, you know it’s just my intuition, right?” _

_ He huffed in response, although folding up the flyer and putting it in his pocket. “Wanna watch me do my last couple of swings?” His mood had changed very quickly, and he seemed to look up at her with a grin. _

_ “I’d rather not have another near death experience today.” She hummed, swinging her handbag under her arm again, and turning to walk away. _

_ “I said I was sorry!” _

_ “See you in class, Leon.” She laughed again, waving behind her, and the memory seemed to fade away as quickly as it came. _

~<+=+>~

Guilt. Regret. Pain.

That was all Sayaka could bring herself to feel. Every memory just made her feel worse about her actions, and every single one made her want to tear out her hair in frustration. Why didn’t she remember these before? They seemed so good, so important, so… warm. 

The regret only seemed to pile up, until she found herself lifting her finger yet again. The remaining blood there wasn’t wet anymore, it felt dry and crusty, and all together just rather gross. That didn’t stop her though. Reaching behind her, she attempted to rub away the letters she had written just before.

When you can’t properly see what you’re doing, and you have little to no energy left, it was easier said than done. If she could mess up the writing just enough, it might be fine. 

Unbeknownst to her, the only proper changes she made was splitting up the N. What was once “LEON” now seemed like a string of numbers, maybe even reading as 11037. 

As the time drew by, feeling like hours, but only really amounting to seconds, she slipped back into the comfort of her memories.

~<+=+>~

_ “It’s alright to be afraid.”  _

_ “I know. Fear just shows you have a working imagination.”  _

_ “That’s not what I mean.” _

_ The two girls were sat together on what seemed to be a bed, perhaps belonging to a dorm room? Sayaka recognised the other immediately from her smooth, silver hair and her dark gloves. If they hadn’t met in this situation, she may have even referred to the other as beautiful. _

_ “We don’t know what’s going on out there. It’s alright to be afraid of what comes next. You don’t have to keep all of this inside, Kyoko.” _

_ She let out a small breath that seemed caught in her throat. “That’s the point, Sayaka. Keeping this all inside, it’s for the betterment of the team. I don’t want to add to the panic with my worries. You are all already burdened with enough troubles, and overwhelming you all is the opposite of ideal.” _

_ “You’re not going to overwhelm us!” She said before even thinking about a reply. “Or at least, you won’t overwhelm me. There are some of us who aren’t really… ready to talk about someone else’s concerns. But the rest of us, we’re here for you, always.” _

_ She paused to gauge the other’s reaction for a second, which didn’t look all too convinced, so she kept going. _

_ “If they aren’t here for you then I guess I’ll have to have a word with them.” With that, she smiled. Not her signature smile, but a genuine, soft smile. One that she knew Kyoko would pick up on, one she knew that would convey she meant it. She meant all of it. _

_ Unless her eyes were deceiving her, she saw a slight smile on her lips. A small smile, but a smile all the same. That was enough for her, she remarked, but kept it all in her head for now, and instead reached a hand out, allowing Kyoko to take it. _

_ As their fingers touched, the memory slipped away. _

_ This time, Sayaka didn’t feel herself come back to reality. This time, she faded out into what felt like oblivion.  _

_ And finally; she was gone. _

**Author's Note:**

> im always open to feedback so !! if you wanna leave ur thoughts on this in the comments that would be really appreciated :]


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